thinking-out-loud

di ako nakapag blog nang 3 days, so let me tell what happen to me ...
nung saturday i go to the office kasi may duty ako from 8:30am to 12:30pm, tried to work for an hour.. call some of the residential clients who tried the demo online but havent got anything from them .. lahat sila not interested, after.. larry, dada and I watched windstruck sa laptop ill make an entry bout the movie next time nun gabi nagdance revo kami ni dada sa glicos megamall kasama sina evie, aldous, trevor (anak ni evie), and larry. sabay tawag sa akin si pauline, inviting me na gumimik sa metrowalk dito sa ortigas, kasama yung mga college friends nyang girls. my first answer was "yeah sure" but ive been thinking twice kasi kagigimik lang namin last fri sa metrowalk din and besides paubos na yung budget kong pera. so i said "NO" nung mga 1hour na lang bago kami umalis. syempre pauline got mad or maybe just frustrated and told me na "sana hindi na lang ko nag-yes" but i told her na i dont have any money to spend. she told me sya rin naman. so i said 'ok fine i'll go with you... aldous and larry come with us as well. dahil sa wala kaming money nagyayang kumain muna sa carenderia sa POEA si larry but i refuse to go so sila na lang dalawa ni aldous ang tumuloy . then sumunod na lang sila sa metrowalk. nang makarating kami sa metrowalk... we started ordering beer and pulutan, i was struck by the fact kung ano na nga ba ng nangyayari sa akin, this isnt what i plan my life will be. made me think na hindi ko na kilala ang sarili ko with the things that im doing. i tried to have fun that night but with three bottles of beer and a little sip of vodka, my mind give up.... eto na na naman ako. alcohol really has a different effect on me. it makes me SHUT UP.... thats how my mind and body reacts with alcohol. kung yun iba e nagiging madaldal at nasasabi kung ano talaga ang nasa loob nila , ako iba.. i tend to shut my mouth and listen to my thoughts .. and during those times my thoughts are telling me if im doing the right things? ... and why am i doing these to myself? those are the things that I want to say through all the people there (kahit na ala naman talagang tao that time). but something is stopping me from bursting some words into my mouth, its my HEART maybe it is afraid that i might say things that i should not...